Sibling Rivalry

I went out one night last week to meet up with a good friend and his brother who was in town for a brief visit. Despite being quite close with my friend, I really didn't have an idea of what his brother was all about. Sure, I'd seen pictures (absolutely no resemblance whatsoever) and I was told a few cursory facts about him (age, profession and marital status), but other than that, I hadn't a clue what to expect.

Often when I like a person and he or she has a sibling with whom s/he supposedly has little in common, I generally end up disliking that sibling, or at the very least barely tolerating him/her. I don't think that the dislike grows out of loyalty for my friend, but, rather that the dissimilarity from my friend is such a departure from my own values, preferences, etc.

In this particular instance, my friend and his brother were quite different from each other in so many ways, and I found myself struggling to find the common ground between the two. The interesting thing was that as it turned out, I actually identified more with the brother than I did with my friend. This was a surprising revelation to me because I count this particular person as being a truly close friend, so you would think that our closeness springs from our similarities. In truth, perhaps the only similarity I share with my friend is our fairly open and accepting attitude towards people and situations. But that's an important basis for our friendship. We've accepted each other into our lives, shortcomings and all, revelling only in the very real feelings of camraderie that we feel in the other's presence.

It's interesting the conclusions that we draw from our own lives. My brother and I are two years apart, cut from the same cloth perhaps, but we've chosen to express ourselves in completely different ways. Yes, we're both very determined individuals (read: extremely stubborn and pig headed) and we were both subject to the same early influences (although I had the added benefit of being further influenced/beaten by big bro), yet we took very different messages from our shared experiences. My brother came away with the resounding belief that ultimately, we are all alone, and that you therefore can neither trust nor count on a single soul. He has devoted lots of time to proving this theory correct by letting only the most completely untrustworthy and altogether reckless people into his life. While I say all this in what may sound like a judgemental voice, I have the utmost sympathy for my brother (something he would hate if he knew).

Most people who know my brother and I, find it surprising that we are related. Those who initially made contact with my brother, seem quite surprised upon meeting me. I guess, the picture he has painted of me is not an altogether flattering one.

As a parent, I often wonder about the fate of my children's future relationships with each other. They are fairly close in age, and like many siblings, tend to fight with one another. Three children could not be more dissimilar from each other than my lot, and this fact made itself apparent from early infancy. Even in utero, each one was different from the other. The amazing thing is that despite the differences, as a parent, you love your children fully and unconditionally. I don't think there has been a moment when I've wished that one was more like the other. I've embraced each one for his or her uniqueness and found something wonderful to cherish about each.

This being the case, it makes me wonder, why we can't extend that kind of feeling towards everyone. Why is it that we only tend to find ourselves attracted to certain kinds of people, and stay away from others? Why is that if I'd encountered some of the traits that my kids exhibit within someone else, I'd probably veer clear? Is it simply because we share genetic roots that I find room in my heart to accept them as they are?