EU-thanasia

Okay, so if I had a quarter for every time I've thought the phrase "Just kill me now" lately, I think I'd be able to take a nice little trip to Cancun.

Here are a few key examples of the various times during which that little mantra takes place:

1. This weekend, I drove to and from the cottage within the span of about twenty-four hours. It's not a long drive -- a little over an hour from doorstep to doorstep, but it's not always so peaceful. When I first purchased my car, R had asked that the dealer install a TV and DVD player. I balked at first, but he shushed me and insisted that we would be glad that we had one. At the time, my eldest was 5 years old, my daughter 3 and the baby was only 1. During longer car trips, I would put on a tape and all three kids' attention would be instantly riveted. It was great during trips to Montreal when the kids would get bored after the first couple of hours. It certainly cut down on the usual "Are we there yet? How much longer until we get there? How about now? Now, how much closer are we?"

Inevitably however, what started happening was heated arguments over what tape to play, and of course, as soon as J.M. (the baby) got old enough to cast his vote, it became increasingly difficult to reach a consensus. However, once they'd agreed upon a tape, peace would be restored and the kids would be quiet for the duration of the movie. The half an hour to an hour's worth of silence was like gold to me.

Unfortunately, my kids are exceedingly creative and adept at discovering fresh new ways of torture. Now, once a tape has been agreed upon, there begins a fight over which character each child is going to be. Yes, you read it correctly. For instance, if I put on a Tom and Jerry tape, as soon as each episode begins, the kids call out "I'm Tom! I'm Jerry", etc. Inevitably, someone calls out a character that is apparently more desirous and pretty soon, all I hear is "No, I'm Tom! No, I am! No you're not! I called it first! Mommmmmeeeeeee! I said I was going to be Tom and then she said she wanted to be Tom but I was first and she's being mean". This of course is where the script reads Harried mother clutches steering wheel tightly while softly chanting to herself "Kill me now, please".

2. My step-daughter graduated from high school last week. We were both so proud of her accomplishments and overcome with emotion at reaching such a significant milestone.

On the other hand, the amount of pomp and circumstance surrounding the momentous event was significant. First, we had to attend the Headmaster's Dinner which was a sit-down meal for parents, students and teachers alike. This would have been okay except that we were subjected to the Headmaster's boring speeches. This was followed by each student being called up to the podium to receive a momento (stainless steel key chain) while getting their picture snapped with the director of the senior school and some unknown parent.

A couple of days later, the graduation ceremony took place. I loved seeing the kids as they received their diploma, and wished we could have heard more about them. Instead, for reasons unknown, we were subjected to a barrage of speeches from the Headmaster, the President of the school board, the Director of the school, and lastly from the CEO of Manulife (couldn't figure out the reasoning behind that last one as he isn't alumni or related to staff or parents in any way ... probably the only French speaking dude they could find who has made it big). All of these speeches were meant to be humourous and inspiring, but were simply trite and boring at best.

The ceremony lasted a full three hours in an auditorium that was overly air-conditioned. By hour two, I was starting to mutter those all too familar words "Just kill me now, please" as I crossed and recrossed my frostbitten legs tightly (damn cold room made me want to pee incessantly!)

(What bothered me the most about the whole ceremony was that it was just a private school trying to show off. It didn't have much to do with the kids; they were just a way in which to sell an image).

3. I was helping my step-daughter fill out her application for university residence. At the end of the whole process, she passed her application to R for signature and he then started questioning all of her choices. Not that he didn't have a right to do so, but on the other hand, he chose to watch a basketball game rather than join our earlier discussion in which we had figured everything out. Now, the joke around our household is that Richard suffers from ADHD. He can never sit still beyond about thirty seconds and he asks questions but walks away from you mid-answer, only to pace back furiously a minute or two later and pose the very same question again.

When we started telling him the different choices that needed to be made in residence, like apartment-style vs. residence style, double vs. triple vs. quad vs. bunk loft, we didn't get very far. He interrupted before we'd had a chance to finish our explanation and started firing off questions like "Are there rooms you can have that are like self-contained apartments? So what did you say you wanted as your first choice? You chose residence style vs. apartment style ... what's the difference? What are the chances that you'd get a single? You don't want a single? Why not? So you want to live in what kind of a place? An apartment? No? Oh then what? Do you want to get a single room? No? Why not?" My all-time favourite was when he started questioning each of the choices and would ask for explanations like "What's a double? Oh two people in a room. Okay, so how many people are in a triple?" Hard to believe from this discourse that the man is actually very bright.

So yes, during the firing off all the rapid questions, both C and I started getting irritated, and I would bet money that simultaneously we were both thinking "Just kill me now".


Now the real question that comes up is, does it denote a pacifist's soul that I elect to be suicidal versus homicidal? I mean, why don't I want to kill the offending parties? Is it that I'm a martyr or a masochist?