I am debating calling an old boyfriend of mine. Actually, he was THE boyfriend. The only man before my husband with whom I was seriously head over heels in love, enough to contemplate spending the rest of my life with him.
Unfortunately, he's also the one who had a hard time getting over me and got pretty obsessive, to the point where years after we'd broken up, friends, colleagues and business acquaintances were advising me to get a restraining order issued against him. He's the reason why I don't venture very often into my old neighbourhood (Little Italy) because he still lives in the area and I've been told that he's still mourning the loss of our relationship (fourteen years later).
The reason I'm seriously thinking of giving him a call is because he's in possession of about a dozen black and white professional photographs of me from my early twenties. I had them taken as a birthday gift to him by a very talented artsy photographer. I realised the other day when speaking with my kids that there are no pictures of me beyond my nineteenth birthday (the year I left home). Even within the last decade or so, there are only a handful of photos of me (I'm usually the photographer, or the one trying to dodge the camera as I'm shy). My parents aren't into picture taking, or memorbilia of any kind, hence they didn't even purchase my university graduation photos.
My kids know what I looked like as a child and teenager, but they've asked about what I looked like before I got married and had kids. I have nothing to leave them with to help fill in the blanks. Only my old boyfriend has these wonderful pictures of them, and I would like to either ask for them back (because what does he need with a dozen five-by-seven's of me?) or ask if I might scan them for my own kids.
I'm worried about opening up a Pandora's box though; that in contacting him, I might be stirring up a pot of trouble. However, I've become quite obsessed with the idea of reclaiming these pictures in some fashion or another. I'm not a materialistic person and normally have no problems with letting go of personal possession, but I feel that this is something of a legacy for my kids.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Yikes. That's a tough call. Reconnecting vs. the only physical images of that part of your life.
I'd do it, but I'm stupid that way.
;)
Dickey: Apparently, we both are. I emailed him -- he replied back promptly and said that he is very much attached to the pics, but that I can borrow them to copy. May have to do a post about what happens when I go to pick them up ... stay tuned.
Oh. Are you nuts? Well, of course you are, you're my friend after all, but still... Can I pick them up for you? do avoid a face to face. He's attached to them? C.R.E.E.P.Y. I understand that it was your gift to him so they are his possession, but I still think after all this time he should be willing to just give them back to you. But seriously, if you want me to pick them up, I can.
I feel my response was a bit harsh. I liked your ex, but after all you went through, I just don't think seeing him would be a great idea. Especially not if he's still so fond of the photos.
Snooze, I love you. I'm sure you and I will talk about this at some point tonight when we meet up. I'll give you my reasons for why I decided to contact him and why in all probability, I'm going to pick them up myself (unless he offers to mail them).
After he responded back, I thought about it and did get a bit pissed off that he wants to keep all of the pictures. Mainly because I spent a tonne of money on them (at a time in my life when I didn't have much to spend) and because when I stupidly showed him the spread, it was to gift him with one or two of the photos and he took them all, with no thought whatsoever that I might like one of them for myself. And quite honestly, what does he need with all those photos of me?? My impulse is to not bother returning them at all, or to send him the copies.
I think you should give this guy the photos back. He’s allowed to have & hang on to his own memories of you. Although your relationship ended badly (they normally always do to some degree) and he acted out of line it doesn’t mean that he should be stripped of his little memories. Take your photos, get them copied, and COURIER them back. You should probably courier them both ways buuut... you have a tendency to like poking at beehives with a stick, so this isn’t too surprising that you want to go see him.
I have nude photos of an old girlfriend that she had done for me. The only way that I am giving those up is if she gets famous and I can sell them on eBay for ten grand. (And I would still keep copies.) They don't hang on the wall anymore for the obvious reasons (new girlfriends get a little uncomfortable), but I love the memories surrounding the time when she gave them to me. We had fun back then... Ya, it ended badly.
Goodyear: Just when I thought you'd disappeared forever ... you resurface with your usual brand of reality. Too chicken to phone me, though I note.
Of course, I'm planning on giving them back, although not by courier (maybe just plain old Canada Post). I just said what my impulse was to give you a fair picture of what I'm feeling. In the end with me, ethical behaviour always wins out.
It didn't end badly either. Just ended because I couldn't take it anymore. I don't want to keep the pics for revenge -- the intention had never been for him to take them all in the first place. As for "his acting out of line", that wasn't it at all. He reached scary stalker-like proportions and became obsessive for many years. Hence the reason why Snooze expressed concern for his so-called attachment to the pics.
Ah, do it! Be strong and open the box!
Thanks Lee. The box is wide open (excuse the double entente there). I think I need to bake a cake to celebrate ... got any suggestions?
Ummm, If history serves its purpose we know several things which would make me somewhat cautious:
1. he's an ex.
2. he's still obsessed with you.
3. You are fearful of bumping into him.
4. He's "attached" to your photos.
5. He wants them back after your done.
What if he does publish them on the Internet or uses them for some other sinister thing such as making 10,000 bucks on ebay. Sorry goodyear, but that one stuck in my mind.
Epi: I am planning on being as cautious as I can. That having been said, I feel the need to reclaim my life in some sense because I have been tiptoeing around, worried that I might bump into him. In a way, I'm hoping that the whole exercise will prove empowering and somewhat liberating for me.
As for publishing my pics ... well they're not nudies and I can't imagine anyone wanting them, especially since I'm no one special.
Post a Comment