Easter and Why It Isn't All About Pain and Suffering ... or Chocolate Either

Spent all day and most of the night yesterday at my mother-in-law's place in St. Catharines. For those of you who are all too familiar with my MIL during her extended winter visits, you might choose to dispute the title of this entry.

I have to admit, I spent the days preceding my visit gritting my teeth, and feeling generally irritated. The thought of getting my children ready, packing up the car and driving for a prolonged period of time only to arrive to my nervous Nelly of a mother-in-law really didn't thrill me. There's always so much stress and pressure involved in these visits because my mother-in-law wants everything to be perfect. This means that all the family members must be loving and wonderful with each other at all times (you'd think she'd have learned after all these years).

The night before D-Day, my MIL phones, wanting to know if we'd been out of town because she hadn't talked to us for several days, and "goodness, I would have thought you'd have called me at least". Then follows the whole Q and A on what our ETA the following day will be, and "why can't you just wake up and come here right away so we can have a proper visit?" Now, my mother-in-law has this special talent of being able to have a conversation all by herself. You are never a participant, just a listener. Seriously she doesn't take a breath so you never get an opportune moment to interject and give your opinion on the matter at hand. So I had to listen to her private debate regarding a batch of cabbage rolls. It went something like this:

"Well, I made cabbage rolls, but I froze them. I'm not going to cook them and put them out tomorrow 'cos we got turkey, ham, sausage ... oh, and for vegetables, I'm just going to make corn for the children and some turnips. Is that okay? I hope it's okay. Because, if it's not, I don't know what I'm going to make on top of that, so it has to be okay. Well, I know R. likes cabbage rolls, and he wasn't too happy at Christmas when I didn't make them, so maybe I should cook them up. No, I don't think I will because then they will get all eaten up, and I made them for you guys. Well, maybe I should cook them up because he likes to have them with the sausage and eggs. But then, I don't know if I made enough for everybody. Yeah, so maybe I'll make them. No, actually I won't. You guys don't mind if I don't, do ya? No maybe I'd better. Oh, I don't know. But don't you think ham and turkey is enough? I mean, there's going to be stuffing and mashed potatoes and salad, too. That's a lot of food, don't you think? I don't know. I guess I won't make them after all. Do ya think R. will be really upset? But then I also made those noodles with applesauce that the kids like. Actually, it's J. that likes those noodles, so maybe I should make the cabbage rolls for R. But that's so much food. No, I don't think I will after all. So, what time did you guys say you're coming?"

It shouldn't surprise you that by the time I hung up the phone, I was exhausted and really irritable. And when I get this irritable, it makes me immature. I started fantasizing about showing up really late the next day, eating like a pig, letting my kids trash the place, and then leaving immediately thereafter.

Instead, we got there before my brother-in-law and his family arrived, I helped cook and serve up the food and then cleaned up after the fact, and we did have a really nice little visit, as my MIL likes to say. In fact, there were a few moments when we actually had some bonding time, and my MIL really made an effort to acknowledge how much she appreciated me.

During the car ride home, I realised that the reason I often get so irritable when we go to my MIL's (apart from the fact that she can singlehandedly drive a saint to drink) had more to do with the fact that I envy R. for his family. No matter what he's done or been, they look forward to seeing him and welcome him with open arms. My mother-in-law probably lay awake the night before worrying about her decision to omit cabbage rolls from the menu and fretting about Richard's reaction thereto. Sure, she drove me crazy in the process, and there were moments on Sunday when I had to tell her to just serve the food and "shut up about the cabbage rolls, already" (she took this all in stride) but it is pretty touching that she cares so much about making things perfect for us all (as if you can please a crowd of twenty people simultaenously).

I came away from my Easter weekend feeling grateful that I am part of a family that is so supportive and loving, even when they are being a downright pain in the ass. Oh, I also came away about five pounds heavier because my MIL forced me to eat about five servings of each of her delectable desserts and then brought out chocolate, knowing full well that I have zero willpower when sweets are dangled before me.

Of course, this doesn't mean that the next time I am due for an invasion by my MIL, I won't be dreading it. Those warm and fuzzy feelings I experienced on Sunday could well have been induced by chocolate. But, I will bear in mind, at some level, that I am lucky to have an extended family that will always be there for me and my kids should we need them (something along the lines of Toula's epiphany from my Big Fat Greek Wedding).