I think I'm blog's answer to Seinfeld. I'm the blog about nothing. Too bad I don't rake in the big bucks like the sitcom's cast did.
I'm trying to figure out where my place in this world is. Yes, I realise that I'm headed for forty, and I still haven't gotten my shit together. Is that pathetic? Or is it better to be entrenched in some kind of dead end, mind numbing, emotionally unfulfilling lifestyle and think that that's enough? Not of course, that I'm implying that my life is anything like that. In fact, most of it is incredibly satisfying and wonderful. I just can't seem to get past the whole thing about careers.
I was raised in a household where what you did professionally defined you personally. I guess I have high standards in that regard. My parents both love what they do. They chose their careers because they feel passionately about it. In fact, my dad lives, breathes and eats his research.
I have yet to find my passion. Don't get me wrong, motherhood is wonderful and I love my children passionately, but the reality is that my kids are growing older and they don't need me in quite the same way. I now have more time on my hands to turn my eyes inwardly to myself. More importantly, I think my kids need to see a mom who focuses on something other than them, and who follows her heart and does what she believes in.
The $64,000 question of course, is what is my heart telling me? I must be fairly deaf because I honestly don't know. I don't know what I want to do or be, but I do know, I don't just want to be a mom.
A friend of mine called today to chat. She is in the fashion industry and has worked as a designer in one capacity or another for years. She honestly loves what she does. Recently, she opened up her own boutique in tony Hazelton Lanes, a move which I applauded because she has wanted to do this for years but never dared. While business is tough at the moment, she is insanely happy. I found myself volunteering to come and help out a day a week as she is unable to find reliable staff. It's not that I see myself with a career in fashion, but more because I guess, I just want to be around someone who is pursuing her dream. Maybe in doing so, some of that magic feeling will rub off onto me and motivate me. Well at the very least, I think some of her designs will rub off onto me -- she's promised me free clothing in exchange for help. So hey, I may not know my place in the world, but at least I'll be wandering around aimlessly dressed to the nines.
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8 comments:
Here's a thought - since you obviously have a talent for putting your thoughts to paper, why not try your hand at writing a book? Or journalism? Extra benefits would be that authoring a book enables you to work from home, setting your own hours. I'm sure that would be valuable to a full-time mom!
Wow ... anonymous person ... hard to even know if you're delusional or not since I don't know who you are. Would you please remove your mask?
Don't you like mystery? Besides, how difficult could it be to figure out? ;)
How difficult??!! Pretty freaking diffiult actually ... what makes you think anything you've said stands out as distinctive and obvious?
You know, I've really been struggling with these issues myself, but in the reverse. I have my dream job, but I don't have children, which I always, always wanted. Feminist rant ahead... I know people say you can't have it all, but men have traditionally been able to have both families and careers. I don't know what the answer is. I think we need quality part-time work and more options as a society.
Back to you...
You are extrememly dynamic. I think you should build on your experiences, without tying yourself to something that would require major accreditation. I could see you as a life coach.
I think it is difficult for women to have it all, unfortunately. I agree that men have been able to have both, but I don't think they would have been able to do this were it not for the strong presence of a woman in the home as primary caregiver. Because, while men 'have' families, they are not necessarily as present in their kids' lives as are the mothers.
With regards to your suggestion ... I'm afraid I would make a lousy life coach. I'd be constantly resisting the urge to shake my client and yell at them to pull their act together (case of physician, heal thyself).
EM - I completely agree with you about men being able to have both because women have picked up the slack. But it always amazes me that despite the feminist 'revolution' - which did give us choices, women still aren't able to have it all. I would love to see a world where there was decent part-time work and partners truly shared career and family
The so-called feminist revolution earned us the right to vote and to abstain from wearing bras if we so chose. It allows men to be able to say "see ... we let you in". Women are still being penalised for their ability to have children. How many times have I heard people hesitating about hiring a woman because she is newly married and might be having a baby in the near future. Never, ever have I heard this fear with regards to hiring a newly wed man.
I agree that good part-time work would be ideal. I believe that I can accomplish in three days what others can do in five, so it would be nice to be given the chance. Unfortunately, we have some stupid society that can't break out of the Monday to Friday, nine-to-five routine. Where did this come from exactly?
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