Caution: The Contents Contained Herein May Cause Males to Blush and Cringe

At the risk of sounding hopelessly female ... I feel sooooooo fat and gross. And weepy.

It must be something about being in my late thirties. Suddenly, all my hormones are raging and "that time of the month" announces its imminent arrival by sending a wave of good tidings like water retention (extra layer of jiggliness on top of my multi layers of fat ... thanks very much), unpredictable mood swings and major sugar cravings (great way to add to those layers of fat if I cave in).

I never used to understand those PMS jokes but now, I'm a walking ad for them. Seriously, I'll be in my car humming along with the radio when suddenly, out of nowhere, I'll be overcome by a wave of inexplicable sadness and have this overwhelming urge to weep. I feel like some kind of a crazy woman.

I'm hoping that this will wrap itself up in the very near future. My big fear is that it may continue and finish just in time for my daughter to begin her journey on the hormonal highway (God, kill me now). That lovely trip will probably end just as menopause begins. I think there is some kind of perverse plan going on here.