I'm having a really bad day and feeling like a five-year-old child.
It all started with this misunderstanding over something very small and insignificant that got blown way out of proportion. The inner logical rational person with the Psych. degree tells the outer hurt child in me that she should just understand that the person who freaked out and got all psychotic for something that didn't warrant a reaction anywhere close to the proportions it did, obviously had more going on that had nothing to do with me. Got it? Yes, I know ... it's very vague and convoluted, but then ... I wouldn't want to be accused of being indiscreet online and recounting the whole incident.
My point is that I am amazed that a woman in her thirties could get reduced to weeping child status over someone's displaced (and ill-placed) anger. I know that there's obviously a subtext behind what happened, as is often the case, and that said subtext may have little, if anything, to do with me. But still ... it hurts to have someone go off on me like that. It's caused me to question if I'm an insensitive, selfish and clued out person, and I hate having that doubt because of course, it just feeds into childhood fears. (My mom always accused me of being self-centred and selfish, among other things).
So now I hate the fact that I'm sitting here playing everything in my life back and wondering if it's all true. Crap, I thought I was way more mature than that!
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5 comments:
But honey, if someone was freaking out on you, ESPECIALLY if it was an extreme reaction, of course you would be upset. I don't think there's any excuse to yell at friends or in the workplace. It reminds me of childhood (as it did you), but in the way of being powerless and terrified by a parent's anger. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Remember how we were just discussing about being shut out of friends' lives without explanation? Again, someone can have a reason to be upset, but we're adults and if they can't use words with you, that's ridiculous.
Thanks Snooze. I feel somewhat better now albeit self-indulgent. It does help to have friends like you who do empathise and get it. Some days, especially ones like these, I feel as though I must be crazy. You know, when someone reacts in a manner that you don't expect it, you sit there saying "Is it me? Is it her? Am I a bitch? Am I crazy?" That sort of thing. So it's nice to get some feedback.
This kind of situation could be analyzed for days. I think something you might be overlooking is the part that shows you care. Being self-centered or insensitive is usually a verdict handed down because of someone elses perception, and usually inacurate because they never really know what your thinking. Sorry if this is random and unorganized but its a bad day.
Thanks Greg. I feel a lot better today. I actually resolved the whole issue last night -- confronted the person head on in my usual manner. (God, I so love closure!) Anyway, it's fine, and I do realise that I'm not a selfish person. I think I was just a bit thrown off by such a gross overreaction for something that was so banal and trivial and since it came from someone who is normally fairly grounded and nice, it caused me to rethink things.
Sorry you're having such a bad day, and hope you feel better soon.
Thanks Sister. I agree that one should try to roll with the punches, but it's often easier said than done. In this case, because the reaction was so out of left field (if I told you the story, your jaw would be down to the floor), it was hard because I was left grappling with the surrealness of it all and saying WTF?
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