Saturday, April 29, 2006

Firsts

A few months ago, my step-daughter called me from university to announce that THE event had happened: she'd lost her virginity. Since the recipient wasn't someone whom she'd been dating for any great length of time (they were both a bit drunk), she'd failed to inform him that it was her first time.

As their relationship progressed (they are now officially boyfriend-girlfriend and in love), she never fessed up because it became too awkward to bring up with the passing of time.

The whole situation reminded me of a guy with whom I had a few brief interludes during our second year of university. P. and I had been part of the same circle of friends since we were about seventeen years old, but we never really got close to each other. We were somewhat attracted to each other, both physically and otherwise. I believe that we both sensed that we were a lot alike in some respects; P. was often uncomfortable in large groups and social situations. I felt much the same way but was far more successful at faking it.

We flirted playfully and harmlessly with each other on and off but never pursued anything. When I moved away to Toronto to attend university, we began corresponding, and our friendship developed.

The big moment came when I went home for a weekend visit. Naturally, I was scheduled to get together with all of my friends who still lived in Montreal and attended McGill. We were supposed to meet to watch a movie outdoors on campus one evening. Somehow only P. and I showed up. It started to rain and P. wrapped us both up in the blanket which he'd conveniently brought. Being that close to P. after all the years of eyeing each other longingly without acting upon our lustful thoughts, was just too much. We exchanged a few kisses and came away from that evening knowing that the next step was inevitable.

Because of the distance, P. and I had few opportunities to see each other over the next few months. Since we were both terrible communicators, we never really discussed our thoughts, feelings or expectations, and therefore neither of us knew what those intimate moments meant to the other. For my part, I was seeing other people, but I thought off and on about P.

Later, when I met someone else with whom I was developing a potentially serious relationship, I didn't know how to deal with the awkwardness of resuming a non-sexual friendship with P. At the first opportunity, I picked a fight with P. and ended all communication with him. It was fairly easy to avoid P. since the rest of our circle of friends had been having some difficulties with him and had stopped associating with him as well.

A few years ago, I was able to get back in touch with P. Luckily, we've both matured (sort of) and were able to put aside the past and pick up the thread of friendship. Finally, we were able to be honest about some of the issues which we'd both had in the past which had affected our relationship.

During one of our candid conversations, P. confessed a jaw-dropping secret: I'd been his first lover. I certainly would have never guessed that given that he'd seemed so self-assured and confident.

I wonder if it will take my step-daughter over twenty years to confess to her boyfriend that he had been her first.

10 comments:

Snooze said...

That's quite impressive that P. had known what he was doing. I don't think I've ever slept with a virgin. He was lucky to have had sexy you as his first.

St. Dickeybird said...

A very sweet story.
:)
The first time I was with a man, he accused me of lying.
Apparently I should have been timid and self-conscious or something...

EarthMother said...

Snooze: I believe he spent a great deal of time fantasizing about what his first time would be like. That and he probably watched a lot of porn. Who knew it could be so educational!

Dickey: So instead of blessing the gods for sending him a guy who was great in the sack, he attacks you? What a schmuck!

St. Dickeybird said...

Lol, I never said I was great - just agressive.

But yes, I like to think I did well.
:)

Greg the Surly said...

I wish I wish I'd watched more porn before my first time. *heavy sigh*

congeewoo said...

the important thing is that she doesn't regret having her first with him. i can say that I will never regret mine, in fact, I'm still good friends with him. we've both moved on and matured (yes, also sort of) and are able to put the past behind us, i'm thankful for that

CoffeeDog said...

I never had much in the way of sex with the other side when I was younger. I had a few encounters, none of them very satisfying. I sometimes muse about what it's be like if I were to meet one of these fellows again, and I was single. I think I'd go over to the other side again just for a taste - some of encounters I had growing up were quite hot, considering we were teenagers.

EarthMother said...

Dickey: I'm sure you were just mah-vah-lous dahling! And I agree ... just because it was your maiden voyage doesn't mean you had to be a shrinking violet.

Greg: I'm sure by now you've more than made up for your lack of porn viewing!

Spoony: It's always great when you can be friends with ex-lovers, so good for you.

Coffeedog: Tasting is always fun. Make sure you blog about it if it happens!

epicurist said...

Wow, you really are a very understanding and liberal mum. Very cool.

EarthMother said...

Epi: Thanks. I'm an interesting blend of strict and liberal all at once! On the topics of sexuality and life choices, I pretty much believe it's up to my kids to decide although I am always there to give advice, etc. But with regards to other things, I'm pretty strict and will go to the wall.