One of my neighbours got married and had a child later in life. Said child is extremely petite; she weighs twenty-two pounds and is about the size of an average fourteen month-old, despite the fact that she is a couple months away from her third birthday. As the product of a long-harboured desire, she appears to be indulged in very interesting ways.
Yesterday, I was on my way to another neighbour's house with my children. We were going to go swimming. My daughter ran into Thumbelina and played with her briefly before telling her of our plans. Thumbelina then decided that she was going to come with us and ran down the street to tell her father that she needed to put on her bathing suit.
My daughter waited for her and after nearly fifteen minutes, she finally emerged from her house with her mother in tow. Mrs. Thumbelina advised us that her daughter had never really been in a pool and didn't know how to swim. She also said that she didn't know the pool-owning neighbours upon whom her daughter had foisted herself.
After about fifteen minutes of splashing about, during which time Thumbelina commanded my children to fetch and carry, Mrs. Thumbelina asked her daughter if she thought they should leave. As anyone with half a brain would guess, the little one volleyed back with a resounding "no". What kid would chirp "Yes, in fact, I'm ready to go now, Mother dearest"??!!
Then followed thirty minutes of painful dialogue between mother and child. As it turned out, the mother was expecting dinner guests and she kept asking the child if she didn't think she should come home to visit with the guests who had no doubt already arrived. I couldn't figure out what the hell the two were doing there in the first place if the mother knew guests were imminent. Why didn't she just refuse to bring her child swimming when she asked?
So I sat there and bore witness to a twenty pounder pushing around an adult who very willingly took it. It was all I could do not to scream out "Just bloody take your child out of the pool and TELL her it's time to go home!" Why on earth did the mother feel compelled to keep asking her daughter for permission to leave?
Now I'm not the world's most perfect parent, but I do believe in setting boundaries for my children. I can't imagine ever asking them repeatedly "Kids, do you think it's time for to stop all your fun and go home?" Instead, I usually give them the five minute warning, throw in a bonus two minutes and then tell them to pack it up. And yes, on occasion, I have gotten angry if they haven't cooperated.
I sometimes have to stop and wonder if I'm being too hard on my kids. I grew up in a family where no respect or consideration was ever given to one's children or to their feelings, lest said children got horribly spoiled. Because this was the norm for me growing up, I have nothing else to reference when searching for a good role model. Therefore, the task of finding a happy medium between authoritarian parent and jellyfish permissive parent is sometimes a difficult one. In this case however, there is no way I would ever aspire to be like this geriatric mom.
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7 comments:
Parents like thumbelina scare me. They set an awful example. I think someone needs to explain to her what the future of her and her child will be if she continues. Or, just kick her ass.
That's unreal. Poor kid - she'll never learn anything at this rate, and will not be popular with her peers if she becomes such a princess. I think you're great from what I've seen about setting appropriate limits for your kids. Although I did feel that the thumb screws were not necessary. j/k - you really are good with giving your kids rules without being overbearing.
It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with your children. One that can foster repect in both directions.
I know that in my life, I need people to express boundries so that I understand how to best honor them. I would like to think that children are not too different.
Greg: A swift boot in the ass sounds more efficient to me. Also more pleasurable.
Snooze: According to her mother, she has no idea that she isn't an adult. I'm all for respecting your children and making them feel important, but I can't imagine them not being aware of their child status, and having the knowledge that adult often trumps child.
BTW, I gave up on the thumb screws. I found that they quickly got desensitized to the pain.
My parents were very strict with me. They were overly lax with my younger brother.
At 29, I was happy and living relatively well.
At 29, he looks 40, is barely employed, and lives in my parent's basement.
YOU do the math.
It must be exhausting for kids to have to make all the decisions for themselves simply because their parents are too insecure to do their jobs.
Sad to say, but Thumbelina will no doubt have to go through some pretty painful experiences with other kids before she learns the world does not, in fact, revolve around her. Either that or she'll just spend all her time with Mommy.
Sounds like you've got a pretty healthy balance established with your rugrats, though.
Dickey: It's amazing how parents in being "kind" to their kids end up doing them a disservice in the long run.
Ink: I think that Thumbelina has never heard the word "no". She is physically cute, but it begins to wear thin after awhile. I wonder how long she will be able to coast through life on her charms.
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