Okay, so hot on the topic of being passive versus active and agressive, comes the fact that I sometimes think I'm a wishy washy kind of person; slow to make up my own mind, and very willing to go along with others' desires. Not sure if this passivity finds its roots in my childhood (yes, I know ... here we go again, with my whole mantra of "blame the parents").
Even physically, I don't pick a side. I'm quasi-ambidextrous. Ostensibly, I write with my left-hand, but that's only really because I use it more often and am therefore faster. I write very legibly and neat with my right hand, and even do calligraphy right-handed (mainly because as a teen I would 'borrow' my dad's calligraphy set without his consent and didn't want to ruin the nib lest my thievery got discovered). I can bat both ways, catch and throw with both hands with the equal strength and accuracy, play guitar right-handed (probably left as well although I've never tried), and do other things with both hands where most people only do it with their dominant ones (before your dirty minds get carried away, I was thinking of things like wiping down counters, carrying bags, eating, drinking, using knives, etc.)
I often catch myself going along with someone else's plan rather than actively making one of my own. Sometimes, I think it's because I lack the passion and interest that others do, and people around me can sense that their desires are stronger, so they act as the guiding arm. It makes me wonder sometimes if my apparent "easy-goingness" (sic) is just really falsely labelled indecisiveness.
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I love women like you. On one hand it makes being a leo that much easier. I could ask you "honey, which restaurant do you want to hit tonight?", knowing that I am going to get the response "I don't know. Where do you want to go?".
See, I already know exactly where I want to go. I just ask the question so later when we are in therapy because I 'control the relationship' I have my out. "But I always ask what she wants to do - she never has any suggestions!!!". Side note: One of these therapy sessions revealed to me that if I just word these suggestions differently I could just transfer this responsibility to the woman. Such as "Honey, I can't even think tonight; you pick the restaurant". I save this tactic for those rare evenings I truly don't want to be in control.
Anyhow back to why I 'love' women like you. I don't. You girls drive me nuts. Do one of two things: get a back bone, take us by the hand and drag us to where ever it is you want to go, OR let us know that you want us to make all of the decisions. You can even flip flop if you want. Just let us know what side of the fence you are sitting on that day. Either way it will be a huge turn on - to a guy like me anyhow. And that's when your quasi-ambidextrous qualities will come in handy! Or is that flexibility I'm thinking of?? Never mind.
Hmmm ... tough questions. I think I used to have shades of being a pleaser as a child. That probably carried over into my adult life.
I guess the question I was really struggling with was more along the lines of the whole passive vs. active thing in terms of my career. Mostly what I've done professionally has sort of just happened fortuitiously rather than me actually going and making a plan and then pursuing it ardently.
I don't think I lack backbone, as you've suggested goodyear, because I certainly make what I want known in other arenas of life. But then, I think you already know that.
Maybe. I think there's a certain guilt wrapped up in it all, because I come from this really hardworking famlly that is terribly active and goal-oriented, and conscious of that fact. And here I am, just cruising along with a sort of laissez faire attitude. And although I think that may be part and parcel of my personality, because I realised that I just tend to let things play out in some cases (eg. parenting) and deal with stuff as it falls out, there is still a part of me that clings stubbornly and steadfastedly to the idea that maybe I should actually be doing something.
But there again, it's tunnel vision perhaps, because like my friend had told me ... being seemingly passive isn't always what you think it is.
I think you are goal-oriented and tough as well.
Very impressed with reading about how ambidextrous you are. I'm uncoordinated with all hands.
Thanks Snooze. Does this lack of coordination with the hands have anything to do with that hand job course you were taking?
Sister, I so like what you are saying. You're right ... I do have to divest myself of some of the guilt and just sit back. It's funny how some things have become almost reflex-like with me.
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