I have such amazing friends. Of course I know this, but then every now and then something happens to remind me once again of how wonderfully lucky I am to be surrounded by the fabulous people that are in my life.
I had this great conversation today with a close friend whom I've known for about ten years. We see each other every couple of months for a lunch or dinner (bonding over food ... what better past-time?) and she always has something amazingly insightful to say. In this case as I was fretting that perhaps I'm a passive person and should be spending more time actively seeking out my next career rather than just sitting around waiting for someone or something to just drop it into my lap like some kind of rich plum, she interrupted me gently and tried to redirect my thinking.
It's funny ... you do get tunnel vision and tend to funnel everything through one way. I've been feeling mildly guilty for a number of reasons. Firstly, I've been enjoying motherhood so much and haven't spent any time towards thinking about me professionally in years. Secondly, now that I'm beginning to feel that there is something else for me out there other than parenting and/or my current career, I haven't spent any time trying to figure it out, let alone pursue it. In other words, I haven't set any goals for myself. And I've always been led to believe that the absence of concrete goals is a bad thing.
My dear friend suggested that being active vs. passive is not necessarily an on or off thing. She also said that I shouldn't feel guilty because I'm just giving time to just being, as opposed to doing. Now, this all sounds really basic I know, but the practice of this theory isn't so easy. I've been programmed to believe that productivity lies in the carrying out of something. My friend dared to suggest that the fact that I like to spend time doing things like crossword puzzles or reading, rather than laundry, doesn't make me lazy. Rather, it means that I'm simply taking time out for myself, and that in and of itself is really important and valuable. Of course, we all know this at some level, but we don't really necessarily see it as vital and make our quiet quality time a priority. When pressed for time, what's the first thing that doesn't make the cut? It's not laundry, or dinner, that's for sure.
What my friend said was that I need to rethink my whole view of passivity/inactivity. That in fact what I am really doing is nurturing myself and that in so doing, the whole career thing will probably fall into place at some point. She went on to suggest that the reason I haven't figured it out is that I'm not ready yet, and that I'm forcing the issue. So that by being what I term 'passive', in some ways would be productive and lead to activity.
Interesting ... and a part of me, I must admit, felt that she was just humouring me like a good friend, instead of shrieking "You're right! You're a lazy ass, so get off your butt and DO something". It made me wonder if I wasn't just seeking out a license from others, an approval or sanctioning of sorts, for me to continue in the manner that I have. See? Some reflexes never go away.
In any event, regardless of whether or not she is just being a supportive friend, rather than a disapproving critic, I am going to try to stop pushing that rock uphill, and just chill out for awhile.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
It's funny Sister, because I know that, but it's still hard to put into practice. Also, because I have all these young kids who are willing to take up every second of your life if you let them, it's easy to fall into the trap of just never taking that moment. I remember once when I was going to go out with some friends and my son asked me why I had to go out if I wasn't working, and I explained to him that doing social stuff made me a better mom. He didn't really buy it as he couldn't figure out how I could be a better mom if I was going to be absent all night long.
You've also been burned out and sick before from shouldering too much. You need these moments. [and you're still the most friggin' busy and accomplished person I know so to those of you who don't know EM, she's giving a very one-sided view of herself]
Snooze, you're way too sweet and kind. Sometimes I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, I'm running around to no avail. So is it that I'm busy or is that I'm not terribly good at getting tasks completed efficiently and properly?
Post a Comment