The Green Eyed Monster

I read an interesting article in the Star yesterday. It told the tale of Matt, a seventeen year old boy who attends a large well-known public high school in Toronto. A quiet,intelligent boy who ran for school council president and won narrowly.

This past winter, Matt came out to his entire school as Jade. Apparently, Matt had always felt that he wasn't really male, and after much discussion with his parents, he elected to present himself as a female to the world this past December. In a gutsy move, six foot four Matt came to school dressed in woman's apparel and a wig.

What I found wonderful, reassuring and surprisingly refreshing was how much support Matt/Jade received on all fronts. First off, his parents, who are divorced, were amazing. I'm trying to imagine anyone from my generation telling their parents that he/she wants to change sexes, even if only clothing and namewise. My favourite quote was about how when his mom phoned his jock dad to tell him about Matt's decision, his dad rushed right over. Not because he was horrified, but because he didn't want Matt to think that he had hesitated for a moment, and not been supportive, loving and accepting. He later took Matt shopping and helped him pick out clothing. underclothing with built-in implants and a wig that would make Jade look pretty. I thought that was pretty impressive, because it must have been a bit weird for a parent to watch his kid transform himself before his very eyes.

Jade also received a great deal of support from the principal of his school, who when informed of his decision, sent out a letter to all staff members explaining what was about to happen and asking them to be respectful and supportive. Jade was then assigned a teacher escort for the first couple of days who helped to field any questions or concerns from others and also acted as a buffer in case of any intolerant individuals.

Lastly, Jade was accepted by her peers. I found that mildly surprising because for some reason, I have this idea in my mind that kids are naturally cruel and intolerant of anything "different". But then again, maybe that was just our generation. Because now that I come to think of it, my step-daughter has a friend the same age as her who is gay and who came out a couple of years ago at the age of about fourteen or fifteen.

I think it's really great that adolescents can come to grips with their sexual preferences at an early age and announce it to the world. In high school, I had a good friend of mine who was a lesbian, but who didn't come out for years. Poor girl went through hell trying to fit in because she thought something was wrong with her. It was all very painful to watch from the sidelines. Now of course, she's happily married to a lovely woman and they have a beautiful four-month-old daughter. She recently commented to me that she felt our present day society is far more accepting and tolerant, at least on the surface, than it was "back in our day". Her partner is about eight years younger than us -- not a huge difference, but enough that she found more acceptance amongst her peers at an earlier age (she went to her highschool prom with a female date).

It's funny, I try to teach my kids to be tolerant, respectful and supportive people, and there are many times where I get blown away because they say and do things that I would never have done in my youth. Even now, I think I'm still way harder, meaner and more suspicious than they will ever be as adults. Should I have been at all surprised by the fact that Matt/Jade isn't being taunted at school? Should I have simply taken it in stride, and not thought otherwise? Granted, I would never have openly made fun of a peer under any circumstances, but would I have been openly supportive either? Without trying to be too Seinfeldesque, not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'm not sure what I would have thought if one of my classmates decided to present himself or herself as a member of the opposite sex. I'm not homophobic and I'm quite sure if one of my kids announced he or she was gay, I would be ultra supportive because all that matters to me is that my kids are happy and secure with themselves.

I have to wonder if maybe I'm envious that today's youth seems to possess a certain self-confidence and self-assurance that I never felt, especially as an adolescent. I think it's amazing and wonderful and it obviously shows that as parents, we are on the right track if we are endowing our kids with this kind of feeling of self-empowerment. To echo my profile, I guess I really am somewhat developmentally retarded because I am only just now discovering this kind of secureness to pursue my own path without worrying and fearing others' recriminations.