I am often fascinated by how easily children, boys especially, can get together and play.
It's as though all they say is "I'm a kid, you're a kid. Great, we have so much in common. Now let's go tussle out back".
A couple of years ago, I got back in touch with a university friend. We had been quite close during our undergrad years, but then drifted apart and lost touch with each other subsequently.
Upon our reunion, we discovered that our sons were about four months apart in age so we arranged an impromptu playdate. Without consulting her son, we arrived at her house with my eldest guy in tow. We discovered her son in the basement playing basketball by himself. As we stood awkwardly in the doorway watching him, my friend made the introductions, during which time our sons remained completely silent.
While my friend started chattering about how we had been best friends for years, her son suddenly bounce passed the ball to my son who, without missing a beat, caught it, entered the room, shot the ball and then bounce passed it back. Immediately, they fell into a rhythm of taking shots on net and passing the ball back to the other. All this went on wordlessly for several minutes. My friend and I watched this, shrugged our shoulders and went upstairs for a cup of coffee, leaving our children to their own devices.
I'm not sure at what point one of them finally spoke, and what was said exactly. But the two boys got on like a house on fire and hours later when they emerged from the basement, they were giggling and chatting as though they'd always known each other.
I've observed this kind of easy acceptance and camaraderie amongst other children on many occasions, and I'm constantly amazed by it. Many adults tend to complicate things in that they spend more time and energy sizing each other up and deciding if another person is the right gender, religion, personality type, intelligence level, etc. before they can decide if they want to go forward and extend any kind of friendship or friendly gesture.
Maybe we need to take a leaf out of our children's books and just learn to relax.
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9 comments:
Sometimes your wisdom so truly astounds me! Hear, hear!
I've had entire relationships like that.
"I'm here, you're here. Great, we have so much in common. Now let's go tussle out back."
Very healthy attitude.
I was going to make a crack about having no problem indiscriminantly throwing my balls at other boys, but that just seem to obvious.
I think you're right - as adults we complicate everything. We've only ourselves to blame for most of life's little woes.
I am all for this concept! For the most part I am pretty easy going, fun loving person. I like to make jokes and have fun at work. At times I feel like such a bozo because I am the only cutting up, everyone else is so serious and grown up.
Kyarou: Hon, you're always so sweet and supportive. I think I'm the further thing away from being wise. In fact, the older I get, the more I realise how little I actually know.
On a completely separate note ... I've emailed you but not sure if you kept the same address since the big move.
Dickey: LOL. It beats the hell out of rejecting someone on the basis of their income or education or the colour of their shoes.
Dantallion: I'm impressed that you can actually bounce pass your balls. Wow ... that's like a circus act ...
Coffeedog: It's weird isn't it, when you find yourself surrounded by people who are so deeply entrenched in being an "adult"? Maturity is wonderful in some respects, but why do some people seem to forget how to be easygoing and fun-loving?
I think when they're young enough it's true with boys, but with girls it can be different. A colleague of mine was just mentioning that his daughter is having some difficulties this year with other girls and how they all seemed to identify with groups.
Snooze: I totally agree. Between girls of a certain age, it's a completely whole other story. It's interesting though that in the pre-teen years, girls play quite well with boys and without the whole preamble. Question is if the change later on is hormonally driven or if it's socialised?
I would imagine that this is a typical trait in men...that they tend to bond with non-verbal activity. It is both a good thing, in that it fosters a rather relaxed attitude, but later in life can be a bad thing, if it is habitual. I for one, can migrate both ways. Rib Breaker is completely monosyllabic.
Epi: I totally agree about the need for fostering good communication skills. What I love about kids though is the fact that they are often far more accepting and capable of extending a friendship than are adults.
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